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WHY am I still awake at 4 a.m.? Why, why, why? (Oh yeah, probably something to do with how fricking hot it is. I was spoiled by a relatively cool June and therefore am still acclimating to the triple digit weather that is typical for where I live in July).

Anyway, since I can't sleep, some thoughts on Twilight, which I took myself to see today to rent some air conditioning. Please be aware that I watch these movies for the lulz, so if you're a serious fan you may not want to click. Also spoilers, natch.

1. I honestly and completely cannot fathom why Bella would pick Edward over Jacob. It makes NO SENSE to me. And it's not just because I think Taylor Lautner is hotter than RPatz (RPatz is not bad when he's not made up to look like a sparkly corpse), it's because I agree with what every single person in the movie is telling her: you'll regret making this decision so young; you'll regret losing your friends and family; you don't really understand what vampirism is like; the cost of immortality is never moving forward; etc. etc. etc. forever. I mean, I'm not sure about the wolf thing either--that would be, at the very least, dangerous and disconcerting!--but I just don't see what Edward offers her apart from 19th century sexual standards. (And generally I favor vampires over werewolves, if forced to choose, but the Edward of the films is SO lacking charisma I just don't see it.)

2. I have probably been in fandom too long when I am completely impatient with love triangles and brain keeps chanting "threesome, threesome, threesome, threesome, this would all be solved easily be a THREESOME." And I'm not invested in the text enough to seek out fic, but surely there must be some quality enemy sex between Edward and Jacob out there, right?

3. The best part of the movie, for me, was when Bella is having the conversation about marriage with her dad, and asks him why he hasn't remarried, and he says he just hasn't met the right person yet, and someone in the theater said (undoubtedly much louder than she intended) "I'm right here!" and the entire audience just convulsed with laughter.

4. I actually liked this movie the best of the three. Well, anything would have been an improvement over the last one, when I wanted to kill Edward myself for his whininess and whap Bella upside the head with a cluestick, but for a film where half the plot seemed to be "let's have serious conversations about our feelings" it actually didn't drag. And there was a lot of action, too--I really liked the "war with Victoria's newbie vamp army" plot, as well as the mystery of what the hell the Voltari, or however you spell that, is up to. And Kirsten Stewart seems to have overcome her worst acting tics, which was a relief. I did feel really bad for that young teenager who got vamped, rescued by the Cullens and then killed by the Voltari, though. CREEPY DAKOTA FANNING IS CREEPY. (Though she's kind of aging out of this role, isn't she?)

5.I really love Bella's parents. That quilt her mom made from her out of trip T-shirts was awesome, and the attempt by Charlie to have the sex talk with her was HILARIOUS.

6. I really liked getting some of the backstory on the other vampires in the Cullen clan--they did a great job implying the violence and lack of choice for Rosalie and Jasper.

7.As usual, the cinematography makes me want to take a trip to the Pacific Northwest. And oh, god, the beautiful, beautiful rain. (Sorry to folks with really rainy summers, but it's not going to rain here for another 4 months and I MISS IT.)

Huh. I guess that wasn't a very lulzy review. Sorry?

Comments

( 12 comments — Leave a comment )
squirrelhaven
Jul. 6th, 2010 12:54 pm (UTC)
I think these films are the funniest things around, and I'm already eager for the new one to come out on DVD so that I can enjoy it with a bottle of wine and many guffaws. (Movie theater outings are sadly rare these days. Maybe in another few years.)

Have you seen the RiffTrax Twilight? It's brilliant. I haven't checked to see if they've done the second movie too, but I'm betting they have. (Come to think of it, I should really look for that.)
norwich36
Jul. 6th, 2010 09:48 pm (UTC)
I haven't seen it--I'll have to look for it.
(Deleted comment)
norwich36
Jul. 6th, 2010 09:50 pm (UTC)
I agree with you so much on the "not an irreversible choice" thing. Though part of the problem is that Edward doesn't want to have sex before marriage, and Bella wants to have sex NOW! And also he won't vamp her until they're married, and there's a certain amount of outside pressure because the Volturi might kill her if he doesn't vamp her soon.
(Deleted comment)
rsadelle
Jul. 6th, 2010 02:43 pm (UTC)
You should definitely read this review - an excellent critique of the series as a whole.
norwich36
Jul. 6th, 2010 09:52 pm (UTC)
I don't know--it annoyed me from the start, because I actually don't hate Bella. She's not my favorite female character of all time, but I was disturbed that that review seemed to make it all about her character flaws, which--NO. She's 17, she's supposed to be self-absorbed. My problems with this series are all about Edward, who is old enough to know better.
clari_clyde
Jul. 7th, 2010 02:05 am (UTC)
In the second movie when she said, “I could protect you,” it made me root for Team Bella. And then Edward said, “That’s my job,” and it made me hate Team Edward.

I was explaining to someone, Edward is prolly what happens when you repeat high school too many times.
norwich36
Jul. 7th, 2010 04:06 am (UTC)
ROFL!

Yeah, Edward is an overprotective jerk, but to be fair, so is Jacob. (It makes me long for Bella deciding she wanted to just be single for a decade or so. Or at the very least, femslash. Bella/Alice, anyone?
(Deleted comment)
norwich36
Jul. 6th, 2010 09:52 pm (UTC)
Yes. VERY Whiny and creepy.
clari_clyde
Jul. 6th, 2010 09:19 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I’m Team Jacob all the way. I like the lampshading where Jacob actually says, “I’m hotter than you.” When I saw it, the whole audience laughed at that.

Bella’s parents are awesome. Which goes a long way towards why I don’t get Bella’s angst with them.

What a horrible way for Rosalie to die. But what a great way to get revenge. She says, “I was a little dramatic then,” as if it were a fault but, when revenge is a dish served best cold, there’s really no harm in serving it on a gold and diamond gilded plate to really whack home the message.

About Jasper’s backstory: I wish Meyers explored more the idea of older vamps exploiting newer vamps. Bella could have turned sooner and hey, natural and organic tension and plot progress to support all four books. You think turning into a vampire is great? It just puts your life in danger moreso and you don’t have your old support network! I’d prefer that instead of this stagnation we get between the first and fourth books.

Lastly, a while ago, I read Fair Hypocrites: Twilight By Way of Pamela and it almost makes me want to read the books to see if the materialism is there in the books because I catch glimpses of it in the movies even with the product placement. There are a lot of things that I catch with the series that make me think she’s not doing it on purpose and it’s coming across differently than she means it. Especially with her recent admission that Edward is not a role model for boyfriends to follow.
norwich36
Jul. 6th, 2010 09:55 pm (UTC)
Oh, "I was a little dramatic then" is definitely the best line of the movie, no question about it.

I think all teens have parental angst regardless of the coolness of their parents, so that part doesn't bug me.

I'm kind of surprised that Meyers doesn't explore the vampire exploitation theme more--I thought that's what it was there for, to show Bella the life she wanted isn't really what she's imagining.
( 12 comments — Leave a comment )

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